How to Pray Against Gaslighting

Gaslighting is, sadly, one of the common mental and emotional abuses people experience. It is something we have most likely experienced and, at the same time, have probably inflicted upon others. Gaslighting is more than just a mental and emotional pain that is imposed upon us. It penetrates deeply into the core of our being, our very soul. The good thing is that God’s Word penetrates even more deeply. It pierces through the division of soul and spirit, as written in (For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Hebrews 4:12).

Father in heaven, open my eyes to the wonders of Your Word as we talk about Your Word in light of the problem of gaslighting. Holy Spirit, minister to my heart, which is wounded because of gaslighting. I take comfort in Your Word, which is life to my soul. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

 

 

What is Gaslighting?

While we have mentioned above that gaslighting is a form of mental and emotional abuse, what exactly is gaslighting? In simple terms, gaslighting is when one person questions or invalidates another person’s subjective experience. Someone who gaslights can do this by lying about what happened, discrediting a person’s experience, putting the blame on them, denying what happened, minimizing a person’s subjective experience, and avoiding the topic altogether.

Let’s explore an example of gaslighting. Say Mark made a joke about Brandon while with their group of friends. Mark’s joke was a little below the belt and was hurtful to Brandon. Brandon then decides to talk to Mark when they are alone and tells him that his remarks were rude. True enough, Mark’s joke was below the belt; he was joking about sensitive things in Brandon’s life.

Mark could gaslight Brandon by saying that it wasn’t meant as a joke at all and that he was merely stating facts, which isn’t wrong. He could also gaslight Brandon by saying that Brandon misunderstood or misinterpreted what happened and that the situation wasn’t what Brandon experienced it to be. Mark could also put the blame on Brandon for being so easily hurt by the joke. Even soft and loving words can be used to gaslight Brandon, such as, “Brandon, you know that you are my friend and that I will never do something to offend you. You may have taken it all wrong.” In short, it is a form of invalidation of a person.

What is being invalidated here is Brandon’s subjective experience. While, indeed, Brandon’s experience is subjective, it is his reality that he has experienced. True enough, the joke Mark made was indeed hurtful, and what Brandon experienced is what he experienced. Questioning that, invalidating that, minimizing that, and denying that is what gaslighting is about.

The result of continuous gaslighting of a person is not healthy—not just concerning their psychological state, but also that of their soul. Victims of gaslighting may end up questioning their very selves because gaslighters always have questions, deny, and minimize a person’s perception of reality and experience. For example, a girl that is abused by her boyfriend may continue to stay with him because she thinks she might have just misunderstood him. She may believe that there is nothing wrong with him, that she just took what he said the wrong way, or that maybe she is the problem for not being strong enough. 

What comfort does the Bible have for victims of gaslighting?

Gaslighting is never a pleasant thing to experience. It is basically the gaslighter trying to rewrite reality into something that is not what really happened in the experience of the other person. A victim of gaslighting may end up doubting themselves and questioning the validity of their perception, even though they shouldn’t. That is not to say that all our perceptions are true and right, but sometimes, even when their perceptions are right, victims may end up doubting what they feel. One example is the girlfriend and boyfriend we mentioned above.

Being gaslighted can also cause fear in a person. Their “what-if” thoughts can intrude so that they are afraid that their perception, experience, or conclusion is most likely wrong again. They may also be hurt in the sense that they feel like they hardly exist at all. The good thing is that the Bible shows us certain truths that could bring comfort to those who are victims of gaslighting. 

If you are a victim and you feel doubt because your concerns, experiences, and perceptions have been invalidated over and over, remember that the Bible says God is trustworthy. He is trustworthy because He is faithful, as written in (If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13). Also, do not be afraid if you feel doubt and fear whenever you have your own concerns, experience, perception, and reasoning. 

Ultimately, we depend on God’s truth and reasoning and not on what others say. In fact, we are not to live on the truth that others declare or the truth that we perceive, but we live on the very truth God gives, which is found in the person of Jesus Christ (Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14:6)(Thy word is true from the beginning: and every one of thy righteous judgments endureth for ever. Psalm 119:160). (Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day. Psalm 25:5)Psalm 23:5 can be a prayer with which you pray to God to guide you in His truth and teach you. For God is your God and your Savior, and in Him is your hope all day long. The Bible also says that God didn’t give us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, love, and self-control. That also means that you can stand up for what you know you have experienced (For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7).

 

 

 

Also, it’s not surprising that you would be hurt emotionally and mentally by the effects of gaslighting. As mentioned before, it is an attack on your being, your soul, because it implies that your thoughts, opinions, perceptions, and experiences do not matter at all, and these are part of your soul. In those times, remember that God is your healer. In Psalm 147:3 (He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. Psalm 147:3), it is written that God is the One Who heals our broken hearts and the One Who binds up our wounds. No matter how broken you think your soul is after being gaslighted, God can make you whole again (But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:18). If you are in Christ, believe His work on the cross, and repent, then you are whole.

 

Father in heaven, I thank You because even in times when I don’t know what to believe in, given the gaslighting experiences I’ve had, one thing I know I can always count on is Your truth. You are faithful and unchanging. You are the same yesterday, today, and forever. Therefore, I shall always live by Your truth and not my truth or that of others. Give me the grace I need to stand up for myself when being gaslighted and avoid being consumed with fear. I thank You because You are the One Who restores my soul. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

How to pray when you are being gaslighted

You can pray to God by pouring it all out to Him. In Psalm 31, we can see David pouring out his heart to God. He was in a tough situation; he had adversaries coming for him. He even wrote that his eyes were wasted from grief, he had been in affliction, his soul was in distress, his strength was failing, and his bones were wasting away. David was in a terrible state and feeling a range of human emotions. The point here is that just as David did, you can pray to God by pouring out the emotions you feel. God is our good Father Who will never invalidate our emotions and what we are going through. Also, just as in David’s Psalm 31, you can remind yourself Who God is over your situation. Who God is will overcome whatever situation you are going through because all trouble is incomparable to His greatness.

You can also pray a prayer of healing, in which you ask God to heal your heart, mind, and soul. While it is recommended to have professional counseling to address some of these matters, in the end, it is still God Who heals You. He is the One Who will make you whole again, mentally and emotionally. You can also pray the prayer we mentioned above from Psalm 25:5, where you ask God to guide you in His truth and teach you so that you may always walk in His truth and hope in it.

Heavenly Father, You know the things that have happened. You know what happened despite people invalidating, minimizing, or refusing to acknowledge what has happened. You see the situation for what it is. It feels so unfair when my side is not being taken into account or my feelings are not being considered valid. But I know that You see everything, and even in this difficult situation, Your love for me is steadfast. You are faithful, and Your mercy and goodness always follow me. Heal me of my wounds, Father. Make me whole again. I thank You because I am whole, complete, and joyful in Christ. No matter what I go through, I am fully loved in Christ. May I always live and walk in Your truth and see things from that lens. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

Christ is no stranger to your situation. He, the Son of God Himself, the Messiah, was invalidated by the very people He came to save. The point here is that as you go through that season, you have a High Priest Who can empathize with you. In the end, if we are in Christ, He becomes our very life and not anyone else. Therefore, if people deny, minimize, and invalidate our side, that does not matter because it’s not for people that we live, but to live is Christ.